Most of my impetus and drive to express through poetry – and also with painting – comes from a feeling or an intensely experienced moment. I want to describe it; to mould the words that will share the essence of how it inhabited my body or how it hangs in my mind.
One of the moments that I contemplated and wanted to explore creatively was that moment just after any kind of intense pain stops. That moment when you feel ease, your breathing changes, it is releasing, refreshing, and always such a relief. I think there is something so recognisable here. It is a moment that every human being will have, and there are multitudes of contexts that can frame it.
Loneliness-grief crushes my spirit,
erodes my trying-to-untwist mind.
A drop of serenity to
dull the cutting words of her
lashing and slicing
at my mind heart body
No more I beg
On my knees I plead
a wish to be left
Prodding next to anger, to engage me;
my erosion till explosion
she breaks me.
My thrashing about the shark waters
and broken glass shores
is no match for her will to have me.
Desperate. Exhausted. Bleeding.
I welcome her rescue rope and raft
and I love her then for the peace it brings.
Im floating as the world’s alighting off my shoulders.
Oh tidal wave of ease
wash me up onto the shores of that painless place.
I sooth comfort and reassure her with this mood she has wooed from me.
Then she is gone again,
and I am alone
an answered prayer in the coarse crunch of chaos.
I am weak, a sore infected
oozing with a fear
of festering control
I see it inking into my future
sinking my hopes
into the deepening darkness
I loath the discovery of what it is
to loath someone you love.
I want to live.
I want to live.
I want to want to live.