Salty Smoke and Mirrors

Where am I

when wishing my feel and feet away

on a stray;      locked in?

Time rolls on a tide:

in the angst of unforgiveness

physical overlay of bleak memories inhibit -inhabit the cells.

A desire to be more

To be Better         Stronger        Clearer

– or whatever-   Other

Nostalgia grips

by the ribcage

and cracks it open to the sandstorm of the past.

Sands gritting pumping tearing

the lining of the blood

beating into exposed lungs.

Sea drought to the bone.

Quick; distract tears with an ice-cream cone.

Salty Smoke and Mirrors.

Momentary Lapse of Pain

Most of my impetus and drive to express through poetry – and also with painting – comes from a feeling or an intensely experienced moment. I want to describe it; to mould the words that will share the essence of how it inhabited my body or how it hangs in my mind.

One of the moments that I contemplated and wanted to explore creatively was that moment just after any kind of intense pain stops. That moment when you feel ease, your breathing changes, it is releasing, refreshing, and always such a relief. I think there is something so recognisable here. It is a moment that every human being will have, and there are multitudes of contexts that can frame it.

Tormentors Love 

Loneliness-grief crushes my spirit,

erodes my trying-to-untwist mind.

A drop of serenity to

dull the cutting words of her

hate

lashing and slicing

at my mind heart body

No more              I beg

On my knees   I plead

a wish to be left

alone.

Prodding next to anger, to engage me;

my erosion till explosion

she breaks me.

My thrashing about the shark waters

and broken glass shores

is no match for her will to have me.

Desperate. Exhausted. Bleeding.

I welcome her rescue rope and raft

and I love her then for the peace it brings.

Im floating as the world’s alighting off my shoulders.

Oh tidal wave of ease

take me

wash me up onto the shores of that painless place.

I sooth comfort and reassure her with this mood she has wooed from me.

Then she is gone again,

and I am alone

an answered prayer in the coarse crunch of chaos.

I am weak, a sore infected

oozing with a fear

of festering control

I see it inking into my future

sinking my hopes

into the deepening darkness

I loath the discovery of what it is

to loath someone you love.

I want to live.

I want to live.

I want to want to live.